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Kacey Musgraves’ 2013 hit, Follow Your Arrow, expresses the frustrations that many people grapple with. It talks about the weight of people’s expectations and the pain of not being able to please people. What do you do when people’s expectations are crushing you?
You don’t have to be following Johnny Depp’s defamation trial against Amber Heard to know how dangerous anger can be when it’s out of control. We all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a person’s anger. And we’ve also seen the damage that our own anger has caused. There are 4 specific roles that God alone can fill in helping us to deal with our anger in constructive ways.
We often assume that somebody that pretty or that successful couldn’t be lonely. It’s like we assume loneliness is the penalty that you get for not measuring up in the game of life. Not only is that not true, but it adds the weight of condemnation to the pain of loneliness itself. Loneliness affects just about everyone at different points in their life, but it comes in different forms. Consider the 4 voices of loneliness and how you can answer them.
People sometimes ask me about self-improvement. Maybe they’ve made a New Year’s resolution or set a new professional goal. Others want to see change toward a healthier lifestyle. One way or another, they want to move on from where they are today. I think we all do. While there’s no shortage of self-improvement hacks, I’m convinced that there are two more fundamental questions to ask before you consider any of them. Let me start by explaining why.
In the days following Will Smith’s slap of Chris Rock at the Academy Awards, almost every aspect of the altercation was dissected. Did Chris Rock know that Pinket Smith had alopecia? Did the domestic violence that Will Smith witnessed as a child trigger his passion in defending his wife? Was the Academy to blame in not removing Smith from the ceremony? Fellow actors have rushed in to express their feelings of outrage or support. Analysts plot Smith’s next moves. And everybody seems to love “being concerned.” But there’s a question that nobody’s bothered to ask.
“Tell your wife and kids you love them tonight. I shall do the same as I really don’t know if I will have many more chances to do so.” Those were the words of a man exposed by the 2015 hack of the Ashley Madison website. The site was started by a Toronto-born entrepreneur with the slogan: “Life is short, have an affair” and boasted tens of millions of users in more than 50 countries. When it was hacked, their entire database was released online and there were reports of suicide, divorce, and online shaming of users. While the forms of sexual temptation vary in each generation, the reality and painful consequences of it don’t. I fear that we’re missing some of the Bible’s old-school wisdom in this area. Consider these principles from the Book of Proverbs.
Nobody wants to look back on their decisions with regret, but often we struggle to understand the right direction. I read one article that gave a list of ways to make better decisions. It began with the following:
Don’t fear the consequences
Go with your gut instincts
Consider your emotions
If God doesn’t care and it’s all up to us, maybe that’s the best that we can do. It’s not hard to see how that advice for decision-making could end very, very badly, however. The Book of Proverbs gives us a far more reliable grid through which to process our decisions. Consider these 3 principles.
Are you spending more time with cyber friends than neighbourhood friends? Are you focused more on quantity of friendships than quality? Are you listening to the kind of voices that are fuelling your anger? Or have you let charm and beauty take the priority that character and God’s grace were intended to have in your thinking? Let the Bible’s ancient wisdom guard your interaction with social media today.
The late Nelson Mandela once said, “It is never my custom to use words lightly. If 27 years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die.” Although we’ve all experienced more solitude and isolation over the last two years, we haven’t necessarily grown in our respect for the impact of our words and how we use them.
When you leave your own culture, you learn things about it. One of the things that I learned about Canadian culture when I moved to Japan is that we don’t seem to place a high value on wisdom. In Canada, we work hard at helping our children learn skills with lots of after-school clubs and activities, but in Japan, proverbs still have a significant place in a child’s development. In kindergarten, our children started learning Japanese proverbs along with the other kids. There are lots of well-made comic books that introduce them to age-old truisms that are recognized across society. In elementary school, children are formally taught proverbs and even tested on them. As a result, children grow with a sense that older generations possess wisdom about how life can be navigated effectively.
