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In just a few months, the word game Wordle has taken the world by storm. People are thinking a lot about 5-letter words. We don’t seem to be giving the same attention to the words that we use with each other, though. Just yesterday, I heard two people get into a shouting match at the grocery checkout stand. The late Nelson Mandela once said, “It is never my custom to use words lightly. If 27 years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die.” Although we’ve all experienced more solitude and isolation over the last two years, we haven’t necessarily grown in our respect for the impact of our words and how we use them. The Book of Proverbs gives several principles to help us use words more wisely.
1. Use fewer words
I would have thought that the Bible would just tell people to use ‘nice words,’ but it’s amazing how often it urges restraint with words altogether. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” and Proverbs 17:28 adds, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” It seems that self-control is so lacking in much of our speech that we can make a big difference just by speaking less. If our default is restraint (Proverbs 17:27), we can be more careful in choosing when to speak and avoid the damage that can be caused by just filling the air (Proverbs 10:10). Proverbs urges us to listen before we speak (Proverbs 18:13) and then think before we answer (Proverbs 15:28). When we slow down, we can assess the potential consequences of what we’re going to say (Proverbs 17:14). Just as it’s impossible to unsee certain things, it’s also hard to unhear words that were carelessly shared. As it warns in Proverbs 18:6-7, “A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” Using fewer words helps us to avoid speaking about other people’s faults and giving in to slander. Proverbs 11:12-13 puts it this way: “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”
2. Use true words
Even when we use fewer words, it still doesn’t help much if the words that we use aren’t true. We can lie to make ourselves look good. We can lie when we’re embarrassed to admit the truth. But sometimes we lie as a result of laziness. We can just repeat things that we’ve heard whether they’re reliable or not. Ever had a friend forward you an email with some wild claims that you later find out were completely fabricated? It’s helpful to remind ourselves how grieved God is by the lies we pass on. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” God treats truth so seriously because He knows that what we believe can make the difference between life and death. So, truth matters. People’s trust and our reputation hinge on it.
3. Use healing words
I think we’ve all had the experience where someone hurt us deeply even though they were “just being honest.” When we’re just being honest, we usually end up being brutally honest. The Bible calls us to a higher standard than mere truth. True words still need to be communicated gently. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” and then a few verses later it adds that “a gentle tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). It was said of Jesus that He was “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14) but often the latter comes more easily to us than the former. As it says in Proverbs 12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Where do your words most need to grow? Do you need to listen more and speak less? Do you need to think more before you speak to avoid hurting people with your words? Do you tell the truth? And when you do, do you do it graciously? The beauty of Proverbs is that they’re stated in memorable, visual language that helps us reflect on them and retrain the way we think. Maybe there’s a Proverb that’s just what you need to help you use words more wisely.
In awe of Him,
Paul
