If you’ve seen the heartache and struggles of those who find themselves married to an abusive spouse, you’d do anything to try to help someone avoid that kind of pain. The problem is that most people have no idea that their spouse will turn out to be abusive until after the wedding. When you’re dating someone, there are so many things that you’re learning about the other person. And the excitement and thrill of being in love inevitably cloud your judgment and keep you from seeing things that you might otherwise notice. In her excellent book, “Is It Abuse?” Darby Strickland defines what the root of oppression is and gives a premarital assessment designed to help you identify the warning signs of abuse before it happens. Let me share some of the insights that stood out to me.
This week, I had a strange experience with two books on marriage. I finished reading Darby Strickland’s book, “Is It Abuse?” and started reading Tim and Kathy Keller’s book, “The Meaning of Marriage.” Both of them are excellent. Both of them address the topic of marriage from the Scriptures. But it’s as if they’re addressed to people from two different worlds. The first helps people to identify whether domestic abuse is present in a relationship and gives strategies for addressing it. The second helps people discover how a marriage can become all it was intended to be. Reading one gave me new awareness in reading the second. I realized that in only approaching marriage from the ideal that the Bible presents, there are principles that can be misunderstood and even used by abusers to manipulate their spouses. Consider the following examples.
As you look through the lists of qualifications for elders in the New Testament, you can’t find words like tough, outspoken, bold, or unrelenting. In their place is the call to gentleness. An elder is someone who is neither quarrelsome nor arrogant but is marked by a considerate attitude toward others. Consider whether you’re gentle enough to do the hard work of Christian leadership.
The most common term to refer to church leaders in the New Testament is “elder,” but it sounds foreign because we value youth so much today. The tech revolution has deemed most people who are over 30 as out-of-date, and so calling leaders “elders” seems to require that they be old and traditional. There’s value in holding onto the term, though. While it doesn’t demand a certain age, designating Christian leaders as “elders” does draw attention to the value of time as a necessary preparation for the role. In response to the question, “How old do you have to be to become an elder?” the Bible seems to answer in several ways.
Speaking into the internet is different than preaching because you can’t see who’s on the other side. At the end of the year, though, I like to check back and see what articles and videos gained the most traction. While I write for the congregation, certain posts attract broader attention (although in my case, not very broad!). This year, I compared the most-watched videos with the most read blog articles, took out anything from The Unstuck Life, and combined the results to form the top 10. This year, 3 of the top 10 related to Christian living and the gospel, 3 focused on predestination, and 4 dealt with the pandemic and mental health. Maybe there’s something you missed, or maybe there’s something you want to give another look. Here are the top 10 in ascending order.
Early in the pandemic, I thought I was taking a long-term approach to all that was happening. I knew that we couldn’t just hold our breath for a few weeks or months and hope that it would all blow over. I knew that we had to settle in for the long haul and develop long-term strategies to cope in the midst of an extended battle with COVID-19. We’re now well past what I had anticipated, and all reports are that we still have a long way to go. I want to share what I learned about how Christians are faring in the pandemic from The Fellowship’s recent national conference and suggest some areas where we need to pray and give attention.
We all know that Christian leadership is different than leadership in other areas. We’re not surprised to see certain requirements that you wouldn’t see, for example, in a senior management position. But there’s always been one requirement that seemed out of place. The qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 both list “hospitality.” Can you imagine being interviewed for an executive role and being asked about your grilling skills and the frequency of your dinner parties? Is that what’s required of an elder? Why is hospitality one of the essentials of Christian leadership?
If you can smile and make conversation on a Sunday morning and are willing to volunteer to help, chances are someone will eventually ask you to lead. How do you know if you’re ready? Just smiling and putting up your hand surely aren’t the qualifications. Then again, a Christian is someone who admits that they’re a sinner in need of God’s grace, so you probably don’t have to be perfect to be a Christian leader. In the case of an elder, the lines are drawn pretty clearly in Scripture. We looked last time at the first of those qualifications: integrity. Today, let’s consider self-control from 3 different angles.
What should you do if you’re asked to serve as an elder? Do you decide on the basis of related work experience? Is there an x-factor you should know about? Is it a question of who has the strongest opinions or whether you think you could make better decisions than the current elders? The Bible gives a clear benchmark, and the starting point is integrity. But it’s not just a requirement of elders. It’s the goal of all discipleship and should characterize every believer. We all need to work on integrity whether we’re ever asked to becoming leaders or not. The Christian version of integrity is slightly different than how people typically conceive of it, though. Let me explain.
Japan isn’t known for its level of English proficiency, but there’s a 3-word phrase that will elicit a knowing smile from almost any Japanese person wherever you go in the country. The phrase is, “Boys, be ambitious,” and it came from the farewell address that William Smith Clark made after an 8-month stint as head of the Sapporo Agricultural College in 1877. Today, there are statues of Clark bearing the phrase and a painting in the state capitol building in Sapporo with a full text of his speech. Clark was a devout Christian but is the phrase by which he’s remembered Christian? Should a Christian be ambitious? Or was this just an export of American capitalism? I think the answer is yes and no, depending on how we define the term. Let me explain.
