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We’ve come to associate leadership with toughness. Many of the business leaders that we idolize today are notorious for their brutal interactions with employees and cutthroat attitude toward competitors. You’ve got to be tough to win, we tell ourselves, and so we admire the ruthless ambition and hardened approach of many high achievers. And we often prize the same traits in Christian leaders. We like the preachers who ‘tell it like it is,’ and we hold up the leaders with bold plans and fierce determination. As you look through the lists of qualifications for elders in the New Testament, though, you can’t find words like tough, outspoken, bold, or unrelenting. In their place is the call to gentleness. An elder is someone who is neither quarrelsome nor arrogant but is marked by a considerate attitude toward others. Consider whether you’re gentle enough to do the hard work of Christian leadership.

1. Are you gentle when the sparks fly?

Christian leaders need to protect the flock from the wolves. They need to guard the doctrine of the church and rebuke sin in believers. These are hard responsibilities and so they can attract tough people, but 1 Timothy 3:3 requires that elders be “gentle.” If the hard responsibilities of Christian leaders are carried out in a rough, insensitive way, sheep are wounded, and the church will no longer feel like a place of refuge and spiritual nurture. If hard words and hard decisions aren’t delivered with gentleness, people become defensive and shoot the messenger instead of responding to the Lord. In Titus 3:2, Paul urges him to teach people “to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” That can’t always be said of the Christian leaders we look to, but it ought to be. The apostle Paul didn’t have a weak personality. He stood up to Peter publicly when he had to (Galatians 2:14). Yet, he compared his approach to ministry to “a father with his children” (1 Thessalonians 2:11) and could also say “we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). He obviously learned that gentleness from the example of Jesus who said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29). Do you value gentleness in your leaders? Do you nurture gentleness in your own interactions with people?

2. Are you quick to join in the fight?

One of the ways where gentleness is tested most clearly is in conflict. Just as you try to keep matches and gasoline away from open flames, there are some people you have to keep away from potential conflict because they have a tendency to inflame. Elders are required to wade into conflict and discuss issues to which there often aren’t clear answers. That’s why, in addition to requiring gentleness, elders are not to be “quarrelsome” (1 Timothy 3:3) or “quick-tempered” (Titus 1:7). There’s a need to be able to discuss areas of disagreement without being disagreeable. And the Scripture warns that a quick temper incites foolishness (Proverbs 14:17). We can’t think clearly when our anger isn’t kept in check (James 3:13). And we can’t lead or persuade people if we’re drawn into arguments. As Paul said, “the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 2:24-25). When we get our emotions out of the way, it’s easier for people to hear and respond to God. Do you like leaders who like to ‘mix it up’? Are you slow to anger and gentle with those with whom you disagree?

3. Is the ministry tied to your ego?

Gentleness in the face of conflict isn’t something that we just muster up. It’s a symptom of something else. We can be gentle even in hard conversations when we’re secure in our identity and content in God’s plan for us. When our ego is tied to our ministry or being ‘right,’ however, we won’t be able to let go when we need to. If my self-esteem hinges on you agreeing with me or showing me respect, then disagreements will inevitably turn into arguments. That’s why it says that elders “must not be arrogant” (Titus 1:7). Pride destroys ministries and churches. As James 3:16 warns, “where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” Do you look for humility in leaders? Have you learned to tame your ego and find your worth in Christ?

I don’t claim to know what it takes to lead a multi-national company. But leaders in the church of Jesus Christ need to be gentle. Before a person can lead the charge in a church’s spiritual battle, they must deal with the battle over their own anger and pride. May God give us all help in this!

In awe of Him,

Paul