Viewing entries tagged
shame
Desperate for acceptance, I went to wild lengths in university to fit in. Years later, Leviticus, a book many avoid, transformed how I viewed acceptance. The background of a sacrifice called a sin offering reveals a deeper, lasting acceptance from God that goes beyond masks and striving.
I’ve had people express to me the feeling that they could never be forgiven. As a result, they can’t forgive themselves, and their past continues to haunt them. There’s hope in the Bible but it comes as we confront an even greater sin that most people aren’t even conscious of.
Maisie Williams has accomplished more in the first 25 years of her life than most of us could hope to in a lifetime. Knowing that, it’s surprising, perhaps, to hear her admit that she often lies “in bed at night telling myself all the things I hate about myself.” How do you deal with feelings of shame that seem to punish and condemn you?
I was speaking to someone recently and I could see that they were struggling to understand what felt like mixed signals in the Bible. On the one hand, there are verses that speak of believers as being clean, washed of their sins, forgiven, and made holy. On the other hand, there are verses that speak of God being grieved by our sins and disciplining us for them. When the Bible speaks of our forgiveness and cleansing is God just trying to inspire us? Or when the Bible speaks of the ongoing presence of our sins is God just trying to scare us? When God sees His children is He shaking His head in frustration? Or is He graciously looking away from the areas where we still falter? How should believers understand God’s attitude toward them when they sin? Let me suggest that there are two hats that can help us make sense of the Bible’s competing descriptions of God’s attitude toward us.
I watched the 80’s throwback movie “Blinded by the Light” recently, and not being a Bruce Springsteen fan, it was mostly the non-Boss music that made me reminisce. Hearing the Pet Shop Boys took me back to my high school days and the music that was so much a part of my life at a time of life when music seems so important. One song that stood out to me was “It’s a Sin,” the second hit from the Pet Shop Boys after their debut single, “West End Girls.” As I listened to the chorus, it struck me that I remembered more of the melody than the lyrics. I think I spent more time dancing to the song than actually listening to its message. Now, so many years later, I read the lyrics of lead singer Neil Tennant and reflected on them with sadness and regret. His words give voice to many people’s experience of religion, so even if you’ve never heard of the band, you may relate to their message.
I’ve enjoyed getting to know Michael and Nami of “Mike & Nami +.” They’re thoughtful Christians who have made their mark and their living on Instagram and YouTube. We invited them to speak recently at our church on the theme, “Journey From Online Addiction to Online Business.” They helped me to understand some of the dynamics involved in digital addiction and also some of the factors that can help in a person’s recovery. Their story is one of hope not only because they both radiate vitality and joy, but because they have seen such dramatic change in their lives.
While guilt can be a clear-cut response to something specific we’ve done, shame is often a vague attack on our identity and value. And we don’t just feel shame over bad things we’ve done but we’re also affected with shame at the circumstances we experience. That’s why abuse and trauma are often accompanied by shame. And also why just asking for forgiveness doesn’t take it away.
Repentance is one of those old words. It doesn’t get used a lot in everyday conversation. It isn’t a word that trends on Twitter or show up in the titles of the latest bestsellers. But it’s a significant word and more importantly a crucial concept. That’s why I was intrigued by the article, “Are you repenting the wrong way?” by Jon Snyder. He leads a ministry that has counseled thousands of people but he says that at the outset all of them are struggling with the wrong kind of repentance. And the problem is that “not only is this wrong repentance extremely emotionally unhealthy, but it actually produces more death and more sin. The damage this mentality does to your soul and your intimacy with God is far worse that [sic] the consequences of your sin itself, so in His wisdom, God will not help you overcome your sin if it means it affirms this mentality.” Got your attention yet?
