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family
Last time I talked about the importance of learning Proverbs with your children. The problem remains though: how do you teach them? Because there are thirty-one chapters, many advocate reading a chapter every day of the month. There’s probably value in that practice, but with younger children, I’m convinced that less is more. Let me share a few of the things that helped us.
Over the years, we’ve done many different things for family devotions. But learning verses from the Book of Proverbs has been a highlight. I think Proverbs has had the biggest impact of any book of the Bible in helping my parenting and shaping our family’s character. Let me share what I’ve learned about why learning Proverbs with your kids is so helpful.
I was on a road trip with my two sons and something they said led me to share a very personal story. I went into detail about what happened, what I’d learned, and how it had such an impact on me. As I came to the end, I looked over at my sons, half-hoping to see wide-eyed expression of wonder and awe. They were both fast asleep! Communicating with children is hard. Let me share some tips from the Bible about how to speak in a way that reaches your child.
If you’re a parent, you’ll likely spend a good portion of your time on this earth thinking about, caring for, and spending money on your children. They are inevitably the single biggest investment you’ll make in life. How much time have you given to thinking about what you’re actually trying to do for your children? Is your end goal that they’d like you? That they become financially successful? That they be independent? That they be kind, strong, or environmentally conscious? That they be religious? The work of parenting can be so all-consuming that we lose sight of what we’re aiming for. The crises of parenting can be so overwhelming that we forget what we’re trying to accomplish. Opportunities are lost as a result. And later we can regret them. Let me share what I feel is an inadequate end goal that we often settle for and two alternatives I believe God calls us to.
What the Bible says about how to be a good parent when thousands of miles separate mother and child.
Two weeks ago, we hosted the first of a two-part parenting seminar with Paul David Tripp. It differed from many talks and books on parenting in that it wasn’t particularly prescriptive. While it was incredibly practical, it didn’t aim to give a list of tips: “In this situation, do this.” Instead, it gave a holistic mindset for parenting by which parenting strategies can be better evaluated and incorporated. It helped parents lost in the trees, catch a glimpse of the forest. Three highlights stand out.
The challenges of parenting start early. Most birth stories sound like thrillers, filled with tension, jump scenes, and a piercing soundtrack. After the birth, you have to cope with sleep deprivation and the emotional and often inexplicable crying. The excitement of early accomplishments like crawling, walking, and the first words are often offset by worries of whether those milestones are late, slow, or somehow signals of disadvantage compared to peers or your most vocal relative’s memory of when these things are supposed to happen. And then comes one of the biggest challenges of all: the first time your child responds with a defiant, “No!” What do you do when your child rejects your authority and crosses the line you’ve told them not to cross? Let’s look at two common options and a third alternative that the Bible gives.
Did you hear the news? Alec and Hilaria Baldwin’s 6-year-old son, Rafael, took a key and scratched his name into the side of their car. Don’t worry, though, according to mom he was “super tough” on himself after it happened, so I’m sure it won’t happen again. I don’t have a bone to pick with the Baldwins’ parenting decisions and certainly not little Rafael. If I were to broadcast some of my early parenting exploits to millions of followers in real-time, I would be embarrassed about plenty of the things that I had done and not done. I do think that Hilaria has powerfully articulated one of the prevailing North American approaches to parental authority, however, and I think that it’s worth comparing with the Bible’s approach.
What Christian parent hasn’t felt fear that their child will walk away from the faith? And just about everyone knows of a child who has. Some of us know of adult friends who have turned away from God. And while we can sometimes point to triggers and circumstances, in the end we’re usually just left with theories and guesses about what might have happened. That’s why I was grateful to read a summary and review of Tom Bisset’s book, “Why Christian Kids Leave the Faith,” by Tim Challies. Bisset spent eighteen months interviewing people who had been exposed to faith at an early age and later rejected it. He basically asked them two questions: 1. Why did you leave? 2. Was there anything anyone could have done or said that might have made a difference in your decision? While the responses were varied, he cites four trends that emerged.
Most children learn to ride a bicycle by starting with training wheels. If we’re honest, training wheels look a little goofy. Riding with them is clunky at first. And no child wants to be hanging out with their teenage friends with the training wheels still on. But figuring out everything about riding a bike all at once is often too difficult for a child. The training wheels focus the adjustment and help the child get used to the mechanics of steering and pushing the pedals. After they’ve mastered this, they can focus more on balance. With the training wheels off and the basics figured out, a child might even try out some tricks. Starting with the tricks and ignoring the training wheels is a recipe for disaster, though. I think the same is true of parenting. I’m grateful for the advice I was given about paying attention to the various stages of parenting and what to focus on when. Let me share what I feel are the two most important areas to try and get right.
