Viewing entries tagged
conflict
There are many things that make work hard. There are pressures, deadlines, expectations, and crises to deal with. While those things make work difficult, it’s almost always the people problems that make work unbearable. Conflict with coworkers keeps you up at night and makes you dread getting up in the morning. So, what can you do about it?
People don’t tend to talk a lot about the conflicts they have. That’s understandable, of course, but the result can be that we don’t have any sense of what’s normal. I often hear people say, “Every couple argues,” but what does that mean? Someone might wrongly conclude that every couple has shouting matches with threats and intimidation. That’s not the case! When does conflict cross the line? When should you be concerned? What kind of behaviour should be out of bounds?
As you look through the lists of qualifications for elders in the New Testament, you can’t find words like tough, outspoken, bold, or unrelenting. In their place is the call to gentleness. An elder is someone who is neither quarrelsome nor arrogant but is marked by a considerate attitude toward others. Consider whether you’re gentle enough to do the hard work of Christian leadership.
Two weeks ago, in my post, “How to have it out without making it worse,” we began to look at Brian Orme’s advice on how to deal with conflict. We covered the things he warns to avoid in marital disputes. The reality is that there are things we can do that inevitably hurt rather than help our chances of resolving issues that come up in marriage. Today we look at the positive side: his list of things to do to make our clashes more constructive.
Last week’s post about, “How to Have It Out Without Making It Worse,” generated a lot of good interaction. One person asked about the challenge not to go to bed angry. While most people would agree with the principle, the struggle is what to do when an issue can’t be solved in one day. If I’m angry with my spouse, does that mean I can’t ever go to bed?
Marriage can be wonderful, but conflict is usually part of the equation. There are differences to work out, hurts to deal with, and misunderstandings to overcome. Some people will barge into conflict with little concern for how it hurts the other person. Other people will bottle their feelings in until they’re ready to explode. Either way, the consequences can be devastating. Learning how to deal effectively with conflict in a marriage can be helped by laying down some simple ground rules on how to fight fair. I was helped by Brian Orme’s article in this regard. He gives five do’s and five don’ts for more constructive conflicts. This week, we’ll look at the five things to avoid.
