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Beginner’s Guide to Discovering Your Identity
Most people read the Bible and look for the “practical parts.” We want to see how the Bible applies to our lives. In the process, we often end up skipping over the passages that show how God gives us the strength to apply those practical passages. The result can be frustration or hypocrisy. One of the areas of Scripture that we need to come to terms with if we want to grow is the theme of identity. Let me explain.
When Jim Carrey announced the nominees for Best Motion Picture in Comedy at the 2017 Golden Globes Ceremony, he made a joke that everyone in the room knew was all too real. He said: “You know, when I go to sleep at night, I'm not just a guy going to sleep. I'm two-time Golden Globe winner, Jim Carrey, going to get some well-needed shuteye. And when I dream, I don't just dream any old dream. No sir. I dream about being three-time Golden Globe winning actor, Jim Carrey. Because then I would be enough. It would finally be true. And I could stop this terrible search for what I know ultimately won't fulfill me.” Cue nervous laughter.
Today, there’s a tendency to understand our sense of who we are in light of our feelings and ourselves. ‘The answer’s in our heart,’ we’re told, but many people don’t like the answers they find there. Our heart can be cruel and often it misleads us.
There’s a song by Casting Crowns called “Who am I?” that captures the comfort and reassurance of somebody who has built their sense of identity from the Bible. It says:
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever-wandering heart
In a single stanza of their song, they express a number of unique aspects of the Bible’s perspective on identity. Notice that there’s no disguising the weakness. He can acknowledge his hurt and even admit to having a wandering heart. He can do this because he feels the care and attention of a God who sees him for who he is and still loves him. He can also do this because he sees Jesus ‘lighting the way’ and helping him to become all that he longs to be. These three aspects of a healthy identity come straight from the Bible. Let’s consider them.
Different versions of the following quote are attributed to Henri Nouwen. “We are not what we do, we are not what we have, we are not what others think of us. Coming home is claiming the truth: I am the beloved child of a loving creator.” After almost two decades as a celebrated professor at universities like Yale and Harvard, he went to work with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. It was only natural that he thought deeply about identity. I want to consider what we need to learn from this statement, what we need to clarify, and what’s wrong with the popular alternative to it.
Today, the question of identity is bigger than it’s ever been. ‘Who am I?’ isn’t just a question for philosophers. It’s asked by the middle-school student trying to navigate the hierarchy of groups and friendships. It’s asked by the teenager as they experience their first feelings of romance and attraction. It’s asked by the young adult confronted with a myriad of choices for career and lifestyle. It’s asked by the person in midlife who’s struggling with the gap between their dreams and their reality. It’s asked by the person who retires and is trying to understand where they fit without the identity of their career. And it’s asked by the person who’s nearing death and wonders whether their identity still has significance in the face of the brevity of life. Who are you? And how can you know whether your approach to understanding your identity will help or hinder you as you go through life? Let me compare three options.
