One of my summer projects is a review of first year Greek in preparation for a second year Greek course I need to take in the fall. The problem with the ‘review’ is that the first time I studied Greek was close to twenty years ago and so it pretty much feels like I’m starting from scratch. The textbook I’m using was written by John Gresham Machen, the founder of Westminster Seminary, and originally published in 1923. Reading about Machen’s life recently, I was moved by the profound impact that his mother had on him, and the crucial parenting principles she embodies.
We watched some home videos last week as a family. They reminded me of the dizzying, early years of our parenting. There were lots of smiles and laughter but it looked exhausting as well. Where did we find the energy? Dangers to watch out for, behaviours to correct, attention to be given, warriors to wrestle – parenting can be an all-consuming task. It made me think back on the many years of parenting that has passed since that time. If I could pick two words that have made the most difference for me as a parent, I’d choose the words “resolve” and “heart.” Let me explain.
On Friday evening, I attended a screening of Over 18, a hard-hitting documentary aimed at combatting pornography addiction among children and teens. It’s goal was to provide a wake-up call regarding the extent of pornography’s terrible social impact and to encourage the establishment of laws requiring meaningful age verification to prevent minors’ access to pornographic material. Interviews with porn stars and producers and people recovering from pornography addiction painted a gruesome picture of what this industry is doing to our society.
I’m grateful for the ministry of Living Out, a UK-based organization led by Christian leaders who experience same-sex attraction. They’re doing a service to the church in providing resources and support to people who are struggling with questions of gender. One of the issues they address at their web-site (www.livingout.org) is how to respond if your child comes out to you. As a follow-up to Sunday’s message on “Gender and Attraction,” I thought it would be helpful to summarize their advice.
I missed the whole phenomenon of Duck Dynasty. I was out of the country when it made it’s splash on A&E. I’m not a huge fan of reality television and so I likely would have missed it anyway. And at this point, I’m not about to try and catch up. But I was touched by Kay Robertson’s honesty in recounting the struggles of her early marriage and how Jesus rescued her in the video by “I am Second”. There were three lessons that stood out to me.
On Sunday we looked at some of the gender implications of Genesis 2:18, the verse that says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” But there were many questions that time did not permit me to answer. Some people assume that the verse is a call to marriage. And Genesis surely does recommend marriage. But Jesus was never married. Did Jesus miss reading Genesis 2:18? Did He believe that “it’s not good for man to be alone?” Was Jesus “not good” in some way because He was single? The answer to those questions sheds important light on what this verse does and doesn’t teach.
What Christian parent hasn’t felt fear that their child will walk away from the faith? And just about everyone knows of a child who has. Some of us know of adult friends who have turned away from God. And while we can sometimes point to triggers and circumstances, in the end we’re usually just left with theories and guesses about what might have happened. That’s why I was grateful to read a summary and review of Tom Bisset’s book, “Why Christian Kids Leave the Faith,” by Tim Challies. Bisset spent eighteen months interviewing people who had been exposed to faith at an early age and later rejected it. He basically asked them two questions: 1. Why did you leave? 2. Was there anything anyone could have done or said that might have made a difference in your decision? While the responses were varied, he cites four trends that emerged.
Most children learn to ride a bicycle by starting with training wheels. If we’re honest, training wheels look a little goofy. Riding with them is clunky at first. And no child wants to be hanging out with their teenage friends with the training wheels still on. But figuring out everything about riding a bike all at once is often too difficult for a child. The training wheels focus the adjustment and help the child get used to the mechanics of steering and pushing the pedals. After they’ve mastered this, they can focus more on balance. With the training wheels off and the basics figured out, a child might even try out some tricks. Starting with the tricks and ignoring the training wheels is a recipe for disaster, though. I think the same is true of parenting. I’m grateful for the advice I was given about paying attention to the various stages of parenting and what to focus on when. Let me share what I feel are the two most important areas to try and get right.
Couples that are dating will often talk about having a great “connection.” But in a survey developed by a doctor in psychology and family science and refined through over 4 million surveys in the last 35 years, there wasn’t a single question about connection.
Wisdom doesn’t just sit on the side of the fence that feels most natural. It maintains a biblical balance especially where it confronts our blind spots. David Murray helps describe this tension: “Patient waiting doesn’t excuse us from teaching, correction, discipline, exhortation, etc., but it does save us from exasperation, exhaustion, and expiration.”
