If you’re a Christian parent, at some point, church will probably be a challenge for you and your kids. It was for me, and yet in retrospect, those challenges blessed our kids and our family, and I’m grateful for them. Let me share some of the lessons we learned when church was hard.

Build life around church, not the other way around

When we first had children, church was easy in many ways. There were lots of families and the ministry to children was well developed. We moved when our two youngest were still toddlers though, and when we did, the church we attended didn’t provide kids’ ministry during the worship time.

We had to learn very quickly how to help our kids sit in the service and connect with what they were hearing. I would write out the points and then draw a picture to try to illustrate each one – did I mention I’m not much of a drawer? And, oh yeah, everything was in a new language that we were still learning.

Our kids must have realized some of the difficulties we were facing. But I think they showed them that life is something that you build around church, not the other way around. God is so important that we put Him first and figure everything else out afterward.

Some things are non-negotiable

As our children grew a little older, I was frustrated at how many activities and meetings for kids and parents took place on Sunday mornings. From judo to soccer to PTA, it always seemed like something was competing with church. As difficult as that was, in retrospect, I think it helped our kids. It gave us the opportunity to explain that God was more important than anything to us, and we could give up any other time, but He got our attention on Sunday morning.

Sometimes, we were explaining that to coaches, teachers, and other parents. Other times, we were explaining that to our kids. When a child says they don’t want to go to church, again, it’s an opportunity. Once you’ve asked why and seen if there are problems that they need help with, it’s an opportunity to show how big you think God really is.

From a young age, children learn that there are some things that are too important to negotiate. You might get to choose whether you’ll wear the blue shirt instead of the red one, but you don’t get to decide whether you’ll wear pants or not – that decision isn’t up for grabs. When a child says they want to watch cartoons instead of going to church, a parent’s resolve shows how God is to be valued and treasured.

Showing up and sticking around is the key to building relationships

We did many things wrong as parents, but I’ll never regret showing up consistently and sticking around at church. We saw many kids who were so irregular that they always felt like visitors, and it made it hard for them to connect and build friendships. Relationships come more easily when you know that someone’s going to be there.

One of the challenges we faced was that sometimes our kids were the only ones to show up or stick around. When they didn’t have peers in the pew, we saw that as God pushing us to draw others in. We invited some, and our kids invited others. When they did, it not only made church more enjoyable for them, but it helped them to see their role in the mission and to realize that the goal isn’t just to attend church, it’s to follow Jesus. Inviting others is part of that.

I like it when things come easily, but I’m grateful for the lessons we learned when church was hard. God blessed our family through those difficulties and taught our kids lessons I don’t think they’d have otherwise learned.

In awe of Him,

Paul