We were created for connection, so we all feel a longing for relationships. In a church, there are lots of opportunities to get to know others, but if we don’t understand the difference between friendship and fellowship, we can miss out on what God wants to do in our lives. While friendship is often rooted in shared interests, fellowship centres in our shared faith in Christ. It’s more than companionship – it’s about mutual growth and encouragement. Consider what happens when we don’t get this right.

1. When we confuse fellowship for friendship, we just look for people like us

Friendship is the time we spend with people who we like. We look for people of the same age, with the same kinds of jobs, and the same sense of humour. Fellowship doesn’t mean we surround ourselves with people we don’t like, but it does mean we embrace a broader spiritual family.

Fellowship includes spiritual grandparents, spiritual uncles and aunts, spiritual brothers and sisters, and spiritual babies. Like a body, the Bible says that the church is made up many different parts, but we’ve all received the same Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:12-13). Through Christ, we’re part of the same family, even though we’ve grown up in different places, different times, and different circumstances.

This was a struggle in the early church and it’s often a struggle today. In Antioch, Paul called out Peter because he was only eating with the Jewish Christians and avoiding the Greeks (Galatians 2:11-12). Fellowship includes people who are different than us.

2. When we confuse fellowship for friendship, we’re only in it for as long as we get what we want out of it

As much as we like to think otherwise, friendships are often transactional. We find people who we enjoy being with, and we hang out with them until something changes. That something could be our feelings, our circumstances, or even our political opinions. But fellowship is not dependent on our preferences.

Fellowship begins with commitment not a transaction. The early church “devoted themselves to … the fellowship” (Acts 2:42) and Jesus said that “all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). When Jesus talked about love it was always about sacrifice.

I love Paul’s prayer in Romans 15:5: “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.” Why do you think that you need the God of endurance to live in harmony with other believers? Because we’re tempted to check out as soon as it’s hard. Fellowship is about sticking it out and working it through.

3. When we confuse fellowship for friendship, we just hang out instead of building up

Friends sometimes play sports together, watch movies, and share memes. If you approach church fellowship with the same mindset, you end up hanging out but in superficially Christian ways. Fellowship goes beyond that.

In fellowship, the goal is to strengthen one another through the time spent together. Paul said to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and told the church in Rome that he longed to see them that he might “impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith” (Romans 1:11-12).

As I look back on my Christian life, God has strengthened me, helped me, and satisfied my need for relationship as I’ve committed to fellowship, even when it didn’t lead to friendship. When I’ve devoted myself to gathering with other believers for prayer, Bible study, and service, God has met me through the diversity of the people and the shared desire to grow. May He do the same in your life as you devote yourself to fellowship and take steps to deepen your commitment to it.

In awe of Him,

Paul