Many couples begin their relationships giddy and excited about each other. Love comes easily and romance feels natural. Along the way, many people find that love hard to maintain. What started as a blaze feels more like a flicker. How do you rekindle your love, and what can you do to make sure the flame never dims? Jesus’ words to a church in western Turkey give a clear prescription of how to rekindle the love in your relationship. Although He was referring to a different kind of relationship, the implications for marriage are clear

In Revelation 2:4-5, He says this: “you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.”

Consider the 3 aspects of the strategy He proposes.

1. Remember what first drew you together

When you first fall in love, you focus on everything you love about the person. You see everything that’s wonderful about them. Over time, it’s easy for our focus to shift to our partner’s faults. You see what’s wrong about them and forget what’s right. The glass that looked half full slowly becomes half empty. In reality, your partner hasn’t changed. At best, your view of them has become more realistic. At worst, it’s become more cynical. Regardless, the prescription is the same. He says to “Remember therefore from where you have fallen.“ Remember what first drew you together. Choose to focus on their positive qualities. Think about why you originally fell in love. And keep those qualities in view by telling your partner about them. Don’t just say that you love them. Tell them why and tell them often.

2. Own the offences you’ve caused

The next step in the verse is the word “repent.” It’s a reminder that the love in a relationship doesn’t just cool, it can also be damaged. When you hurt your partner, the hurt doesn’t just go away. It can leave a scar, and it affects how you feel about each other. Usually, we think about what the other person has done. But as the saying goes, the only person you can change is yourself. Take stock of your relationship. Don’t keep score of who has more penalties, just focus on your own. Have you said things that hurt your partner? Are there habits that add to their burden? Are there unresolved grievances that you’ve avoided dealing with? Admit what you’ve done and resolve to change. Ask your partner to help you see your actions from their perspective and listen. Apologize and ask for forgiveness.

3. Do the things that you did when you were first in love

The final step in rekindling our love is the easiest to ignore. Jesus essentially says, do what you did before. Remember when you were first in love? You planned dates, you sent notes, you expressed your love. Early on, we’re eager to try things and we’re quick to compromise. We make an effort, and we don’t act like it’s an effort. Over time, it’s easy to get lazy. We take the relationship for granted, and it’s not a surprise that our feelings follow. If that’s you, admit that, and start doing the things you did when you were first in love.

In awe of Him,

Paul