I read of a Fitness magazine that polled 1000 women to find out how much they’d sacrifice to reach their ideal weight. Twenty-three percent said they’d spend a week in jail. The same number said that they’d shave their head. Twenty-one percent said that they’d trade 10 years of their life. Those numbers are disturbing, and they speak to the crushing expectations placed upon women today. Unfortunately, many Christian women see Proverbs 31 as another burden they have to wear. Rightly read, I think it’s actually intended to do the opposite.

A poem for women to reimagine true beauty

It’s easy to forget that Proverbs 31:10-17 gives us a poem about a woman not a list of commands. This is a poem about a powerful woman, and while it’s hidden in most English translations, the poem is filled with hero language. The word “excellent” in v. 10 is usually translated “army” or “strength” or “power.” The word “gain” in v. 11 is the word for plunder. The word for “food” in v. 15 is actually prey. In v. 17, when she “dresses herself with strength” it’s the phrase used when someone prepared for battle. It sounds like the kind of songs that were sung to famous heroes, only this poem is held up to paint a picture of heroic femininity. It’s like when a little boy sees Thor, it’s not that becoming like him is “realistic” but – rightly or wrongly – it gives him a hero to imitate and aspire to. The warrior woman of Proverbs 31 is intended to give women a new and better hero to imitate.

Women’s heroes today have to crush powerful jobs, get what they want from men sexually, and have bodies that are anatomically impossible – all while speaking their truth and living their best life now. Proverbs 31 gives a different vision of beauty. It assures women that their devotion to family is beautiful (vv. 11-12, 21), but contributing financially is beautiful too (vv. 16, 24). It lifts up the beauty of attainable qualities like diligence (vv. 14-15, 27), generosity (v. 20), wisdom (v. 26), and reverence (v. 30), instead of unattainable standards of physical appearance. It’s given as a new model of beauty to encourage and inspire women, not a scorecard to condemn them.

A call for men to praise true beauty in their wives

Interestingly, Proverbs 31 contains only a single command, and it isn’t addressed to women. The command comes in v. 31 after multiple statements about the woman’s children calling her blessed and her husband praising her (Proverbs 31:28). It’s the climax of the poem and the end of the entire book. It just says, “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” The message is that women aren’t going to stop worrying about whether they’re “thin enough” or “hot enough” until the men in their lives start recognizing and honouring a different vision of beauty. In a world where physical beauty is everything and character, virtue, and faith are undervalued, husbands need to work all the more at noticing and expressing appreciation for their wives’ attempts to grow in these qualities.

An invitation for young men to seek true beauty in a spouse

I think that most women assume that Proverbs 31 was written by a middle-aged man to tell women what he expects of them. If you look at the opening words of the chapter, that’s almost certainly not the case. There’s some debate about whether v. 1 applies to the whole chapter or just the first 9 verses, but I think it’s likely that it refers to our poem. It says, “The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him.”

When I read the passage, I picture a young mother staring down at a young boy, maybe even a baby, and dreaming about how she might change the world. As he slept in her arms, she thought about how true beauty was ignored and false beauty was worshipped. She saw how women were devalued and men treated their wives like objects. She thought about the qualities of true beauty she had seen in women. She saw qualities in women that ought to be recognized and celebrated. Then she rolled up her sleeves and crafted a poem about true beauty that she probably repeated and maybe even sang to her son again and again.

Lemuel probably didn’t remember everything his mom taught him, but he did remember this poem. And it taught him about what kind of woman to look for and how to bless, value, and praise a wife. I think we need this poem more today than ever before! May it encourage you as you reflect on its message.

In awe of Him,

Paul