People sometimes ask me about self-improvement. Maybe they’ve made a New Year’s resolution or set a new professional goal. Others want to see change toward a healthier lifestyle. One way or another, they want to move on from where they are today. I think we all do. While there’s no shortage of self-improvement hacks, I’m convinced that there are two more fundamental questions to ask before you consider any of them. Let me start by explaining why.

Conventional wisdom says that you should set goals for change in your life, try your hardest, reflect on your progress, and celebrate your victories. If you’ve ever tried that, you know that there are several problems that can arise.

• The first is obvious: you can fail. In fact, most people do! Most New Year’s resolutions don’t make it past January. The hopes we have for change go unfulfilled and when they do, we pull back resolved to settle, and often do so with a sense of shame and failure.

• The second problem is not so obvious, but it’s equally dangerous: you can succeed. Depending on how the person has approached their self-improvement goal, success can be very satisfying, but it can also subtly make the person prouder and more critical. Don’t you love the co-worker who’s lost 20 pounds and then becomes self-righteous about their new exercise routine and eating habits? How do you make positive changes in your life without starting to think that you’re better than other people?

• The third problem is even more fundamental than the first two: you can aim at the wrong target. What’s the point of exerting sweat, blood, and tears to achieve a goal only to realize that the goal wasn’t worth your sacrifice? Nobody wants to come to the end of their life and feel, “Nice effort, missed the point.”

Self-improvement is clearly more complicated than many people recognize. Let me suggest two questions to ask before taking on a goal for personal improvement or life change.

1. Who else is going to be part of the solution?

Many people approach life as if it’s an individual competition. But what if it’s a team sport? Imagine aiming for a better hockey record but never recognizing the coach or the other players? According to the Bible, we’ve been hardwired to function in relationships both with God and other people. Trying to ‘make life work better’ while ignoring the help that those relationships are intended to provide is to invite frustration. If you want to change, God is the one who can give you the wisdom, self-awareness, strength, help, patience, and comfort you need to get there. But even the help that God provides can be restricted by an unwillingness to seek help from other people who can counsel, encourage, and help you as well. Before you tackle your self-improvement, ask yourself how you’re going to seek God’s help and who else might be able to guide your direction and encourage your efforts. Life is a team sport.

2. If you want to subtract something, what will you need to add? If you want to add something, what will you need to subtract?

Often, people’s goals for self-improvement revolve around either addition or subtraction, but their math doesn’t add up. People will try to subtract things like excessive food, alcohol, or sleep. They want to subtract bad habits from their lives, but they can forget what motivates them to do them. The fact is that people do the things that they do because they believe, at some level, that they make them whole. When they try to cut them out, they feel like something’s missing. If you want to subtract something, ask yourself, what do I need to add? What’s a trade I can make toward a healthier version of myself? Focus on that addition as much as you do the subtraction.

The same thing happens in reverse when people try to add healthy habits to their lives. Maybe the person wants to start exercising, reading, or praying more. The day for most of us is already full, so when we try to tack on something new it doesn’t add up. Before you try to add, ask what you need to subtract to make the addition possible. Get the math right before you head down a path that will lead you frustrated or worn out.

If this is new to you and you think it’s something you’d like to explore, I’ve written a free, 12-week course called The Unstuck Life that walks you through the essentials of Jesus’ teachings in daily, bite-sized messages that you can read or watch by video. To learn more, go to www.gracebc.ca/getunstuck.

In awe of Him,

Paul