Most of the research that you see about social media use usually comes with a caveat: it’s still too early to know what the long-term effects are. On the one hand are the studies that show that social media causes stress, increases anxiety, and lowers people’s mood. On the other hand are the studies that show that social media can be a coping mechanism for some and make others feel less alone. While the research continues to evolve, it’s interesting to me how relevant the 3000-year-old Book of Proverbs is in providing guidance in using social media wisely.

1. Reject the digitization of your relationships: you need neighbourhood friends not just cyber friends

Social media can be an investment. It takes time to keep up with your friends online. That investment of time can make you feel closer when you meet in person because you know what’s been going on in each other’s lives. The danger though is that you give so much of your time to cyber friends that you don’t have enough left over to invest in neighbourhood friendships. Proverbs 27:10 says, “Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” You would normally think that a brother is closer and more committed to you than a neighbour, but the point of the proverb is that if you need a cup of sugar, it’s the neighbour, not the distant brother who is going to come through for you. There are just too many needs that online friends can’t meet, so we need to work at investing in in-person relationships with those who are close to us.

2. Reject the algorithm: with friendships, you need quality, not quantity

Social media tends to turn friendships into commodities that we race to collect. The algorithm keeps trying to convince us that the goal is more and more connections. With enough, we can earn the coveted title of “influencer.” That logic might work for a business, but it’s a deadly approach to friendships. Proverbs 18:24 warns, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” We need a few close friends not a crowd of followers.

3. Reject the rage: angry voices are a snare to your soul

Anger wasn’t born with the internet. Social media didn’t create rage. But the internet has given angry voices more amplification than they’ve ever had. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns us to keep our distance: “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” We begin to resemble the people we spend the most time with and that is as true with in-person relationships as it is of the people whom we allow to influence us online. Avoid the trap by rejecting the rage.

4. Reject the envy: social media is a slice of life not the full picture of it

One of the most dangerous aspects of social media is its capacity to elevate one part of life and hide all the rest. With every platform, you get a very narrow slice of life. Twitter showcases the pithy, Snapchat the silly, and Instagram is all about beauty. The more time you spend on a platform, the more important its slice of the pie begins to feel. The problem is that there aren’t any social media platforms that highlight virtue, character, or God’s grace. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Charm and beauty are both given constant attention online, but they are equally dangerous. We need to find ways to unplug and invest in character and the God whose grace frees us from competition and comparison. It’s only in Him that we find contentment, cultivate gratitude, and grow in character.

Where do you need to apply Solomon’s wisdom to your social media diet? Are you spending more time with cyber friends than neighbourhood friends? Are you focused more on quantity of friendships than quality? Are you listening to the kind of voices that are fuelling your anger? Or have you let charm and beauty take the priority that character and God’s grace was intended to have in your thinking? Let the Bible’s ancient wisdom guard your interaction with social media today.

In awe of Him,

Paul