Today, the question of identity is bigger than it’s ever been. ‘Who am I?’ isn’t just a question for philosophers. It’s asked by the middle-school student trying to navigate the hierarchy of groups and friendships. It’s asked by the teenager as they experience their first feelings of romance and attraction. It’s asked by the young adult confronted with a myriad of choices for career and lifestyle. It’s asked by the person in midlife who’s struggling with the gap between their dreams and their reality. It’s asked by the person who retires and is trying to understand where they fit without the identity of their career. And it’s asked by the person who’s nearing death and wonders whether their identity still has significance in the face of the brevity of life. Who are you? And how can you know whether your approach to understanding your identity will help or hinder you as you go through life? Let me compare three options.

The traditional answer: You are what you’re expected to be

In traditional cultures, the question of identity is seldom asked. Instead, it’s assumed. You’re told who you’re supposed to be with rigid expectations based on family, class, and gender. That might mean you follow in the family business or profession. It might mean that your spouse is chosen for you. Invariably it means that your responsibilities in life are assumed. The traditional answer to identity is to not think about it because you don’t have a say in it. This simplifies life greatly, but people often suffer in the frustration of a life that feels unjust and arbitrary. Many often feel trapped. Why should tradition and history decide the opportunities open to me? Why should a parent or grandparent decide where I work and who I marry? Why should society determine my religion and dictate my beliefs?

The progressive answer: You can be whatever you tell yourself

The progressive answer to identity liberates people from everything that bound them in the traditional approach. You can be whatever you tell yourself. People are encouraged to choose careers that match their passions and unlock their potential. People are free to marry based on love rather than expectation. Decisions about faith and spirituality are now in the hands of the individual. The progressive answer to identity seems to solve the traditional answer’s problem with stifling the individual, but it loses traditionalism’s certainty in the process.

Choosing my identity feels liberating, but if I decide who I am on the basis of my feelings, what do I do when my feelings change or contradict one another? If I decide who I am, how do I keep myself from choosing an identity that’s harmful, misguided, or at odds with reality? If I feel like garbage, is that who I am? If I choose to be a purple alien, does that make it so? The progressive answer to identity says that YOU are in control, but in reality, influencers subtly tell people who they ‘really are’ and merely exchange traditional expectations for progressive ones. The message is, ‘Follow your feelings (unless your feelings are telling you to be conservative or traditional).’

The gospel answer: You can be who God has freed you to be

The Bible’s approach to identity is utterly unique. It rejects the control of the traditional answer to identity but values the wisdom of counsel, especially from those who are older (Ephesians 6:2; Proverbs 11:14). You don’t have all the answers!

The Bible’s approach is also different than the progressive answer. While valuing the feelings and aspirations of the individual, it neither gives a person complete autonomy nor puts that power in the hands of popular culture.

Through the Bible, God makes declarations about who we are and who we can become. His vision for us is neither stifling nor arbitrary. We have value because God values us. We have dignity because we’re created in His image. We can have security because of His love for us. We have hope, because of His plan for our lives. As Jesus said:

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6-7

Next time, we’ll consider more about our identity and how God both liberates and shapes it.

In awe of Him,

Paul