The gospel is under-believed by many Christians. We understand enough of the good news about Jesus to become Christians but often never figure out how to connect that good news with the way we live as Christians. This is probably nowhere more true than in the area of parenting. Many Christians absorb their philosophy of parenting from the world and just substitute the world’s morality for biblical morality. In other words, the way they view their role as parents is no different than their non-Christian neighbours except they use the Bible to get their rules. This is a recipe for disaster! While it’s possible to be a Christian and a parent without being a Christian parent, surely we all want to avoid that. Let me suggest four ways.

1. Make your parenting more about God than the rules

Children who are taught more about rules than they are about God grow into moralists rather than Christians. This is what happened with the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. They loved their rules more than the Saviour God sent to rescue them. When Paul commands parents to bring children up in the “instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4), it’s a call to teach children the nature, wonder and glory of God. Rules make no sense without a good God who calls us to follow them. God is our motivation, our help, and our example. And God’s commandments are ultimately to lead us to Him. Talk to your children about God, explain your experiences of God, and share your wonder of God.

2. Treat sin as seriously as God does

Think of the people you know who seem to have no interest in the gospel. Chances are they don’t see their sin as sin. Or if they do, they don’t see sin as that big of a problem. And hardly anyone can imagine that God sends people to hell. Adult convictions about sin and its consequences are usually formed in the home as children learn from their parents about the relative gravity of sin. The reason that the Bible speaks so frequently about disciplining children (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-15; 29:15, 17) is that a child who isn’t disciplined by their parents grows up to assume that sin has no consequences. Christian parents can actually inoculate their children against the gospel by sending the unspoken message that sin doesn’t really matter.

3. Constantly point to the grace that God provides for our sin

When parents do treat sin as seriously as God does, they can miss the gospel by failing to point their children to the good news of what Jesus has done to deliver us from sin. It’s easy to send the message to our children that if they’d only listen to us, they should be able to lead holy lives. But the Bible says that the opposite is true. We need to remind our children often that even when we’ve tried our best, we fall short of God’s standards. We need a Saviour to forgive us and the power of God’s Spirit to change us. We need prayer and fellowship and accountability and the encouragement of God’s Word – not as more rules, but as God’s means of grace to help us deal with our sin. Does your child see you as their ally in the battle against sin or just the referee? Chances are that they’ll eventually transfer those same thoughts toward God.

4. Invite your child to confess sin, repent and turn to Jesus instead of just asking them to try harder

What do you do when your child has disobeyed you or broken your rules? The temptation is to play the part of a sentencing judge. Lying to your sister? Go to your room! Stayed out too late? You’re grounded. Say the wrong thing? Don’t you ever talk to me like that again! If all we do is hand out sentences and demand obedience, there is no good news in our parenting. Any time our child sins, we have an opportunity to lead them in the dynamics of the gospel. Ask them to confess their sin and agree with God that it’s wrong. Ask whether they’re willing to turn from that sin and put it behind them. Help them to pray to Jesus for forgiveness and call upon God’s help to change.

Christian parents spend a lot of time reading the latest parenting books and following the latest parenting vlogs. But what our parenting most needs is to be radically shaped by the gospel. When we model the gospel in how we parent our children, we make it more natural for them to respond to the gospel and we teach them how to live a gospel-centred life.

In awe of Him,

Paul